Hi all,
The term compulsory heterosexuality is one I haven’t heard before, although I have certainly been subjected to it, as all of us have. I lived for many years in the grip of this forced heterosexual expression. It’s not that I didn’t accept myself as a lesbian, it’s more like it was so expected of me to be straight that I just didn’t think I had any other choice. I was expected to date boys and marry a man. The text points out numerous ways that vital institutions “support and encourage heterosexual coupling and dating” (Shaw, Lee pg 172). The media is a huge producer of heteronormative images. Nearly every magazine, newspaper, sitcom, newshow, talkshow, movie, music video, and billboard displays some aspect of heterosexuality being the only normal option.
I remember when “gay” became a household word (at least in my household). That was in the early ’80’s when the AIDS crisis was just getting into full swing and gay men were dying by the hundreds. I was watching a news program about it with my mother when turned to me and said, “if you ever tell me you are gay, I will never talk to you again.” Well, even though I had felt physical and emotional attractions to females since early puberty, something in me clicked into guard and protect mode. I knew it would not be safe to ever express that part of me. I didn’t have enough self-empowerment to come out until I was around 26 years old. Those intervening years were painful, secretive, and oppressive.
Today, I am so excited to see these things changing. We can watch TV and movies, read magazines and newspapers and see more gay people than ever before. It is thrilling for me to watch and be a part of the debate over providing legal protections and societal acceptance to gays, lesbians and bisexuals who seek to experience normal life (marriage, parenting, home ownership, freedom from discrimination, quality medical care, freedom of expression, etc.).
As a side note, today most of my family is absolutely loving toward me and my homosexuality is a non-issue. I have, in my own way, for most of my family members, normalized homosexuality. For those who are still a bit behind the times, I will be patient and I will be normal.
Thanks for listening,
Racquel
I am a child of the depression and I can confirm the existence of compulsory heterosexuality. For most of my adult life I have witnessed and fought against the rampant bigotry that exists in our country. America is saturated with racial bigotry, gender bigotry, sexual orientation bigotry, religious bigotry, class bigotry, and on and on and on. I have sat in buses, trains, locker rooms, living rooms, bars, restaurants etc. while friends, family and strangers vomited the most despicable and ugly vitriol against people simply because of who they were and for no other reason. Clearly, those individuals whose sexual orientation differed from the rigidity of compulsory heterosexuality have met with the harshest and most consistent of this abuse. This is true not only of heterosexuals, but also those who are transgender or intersex. In recent years, science and medicine have helped educate the public about these individuals and that has helped reduce the extreme abuses of the past but as Racquel says there are “those who are still behind the times”. As her father, I can also attest to Racquel’s normalcy.
Great comment, dad! Your insight is much appreciated! I, for one, appreciate that you have instilled in me an open mind and a desire to see people for who they are and not what they are. Thanks for the “normal” vote.
hi,
I am a college student writing a paper on compulsory heterosexuality and exploring topics of depression and the media’s influence. Thank you for your post, I will be quoting and citing you in my paper. I am glad to see others have gone through what I have and made it to the other side.
Thanks.
Wow, thats pretty deep Dad & Racquel;
I am Racquels older sister and a RN.Dad I absolutely love your comment to Racquel’s beautifully written article , I always knew I sat back and saw people in the same way Dad, as you,now I see where my thoughts have evolved from. Thanks Dad for helping make me the person I am today.To watch Racquel evolve into the beautiful, spiritual , grounded ,about to be RN .In regards to you Racquel, at first I talked about Racquel’s alterior lifestyle to my other gay and Lesbian friends, they help me sort out my feelings, cause I needed to help guide her in a loving way when you came my way, the same as Dad did me. As for mom , Racquel, you must keep in mind a as Dr .Karen Weinstein said about mom, is that “Ila, I believe that your mom has a softer side to herself, she just doesn’t let to many people see it”, After all , she did find Dad, and thank “GOD” Dad (lol) that she did. Love you both, Ila Hope Rubens,R.N.